Traditional hatred?

This entry was originally posted on 3 January 2005 at 12:26 p.m.

I'm not one for blathering Happy New Year posts, especially as the holidays this year haven't seemed all that...holiday-like, so i'm just going to skip it and jump to the mundane and gritty existence that is mine.

Late last week, B and i ate dinner at my favorite Indian restaurant and were walking back to the car. We were talking as we walked--talking about something so completely unrelated to our relationship that i don't even remember what we were talking about. I'm thinking the conversation had to do with the particular dishes we'd ordered that night.

Anyway, we're walking and a guy passes us going the other direction, and as he passes by B, he very quietly says, "Dyke." And that's it. Keeps walking his way, we keep walking ours. B turns to me and says, "I think that guy just called us dykes." I turn back to look, but he's just walking down the sidewalk, hands in his pockets.

Now at this point, a million comebacks are running through my mind--too little, too late, as usual. I'm thinking, "Gee, taking lessons in the obvious, are we?" or, "Wow, you're perceptive. Now tell me something i don't know." or, "Oh, don't be shy, show the world how much you love lesbians." or, "I'd rather be a dyke than a dumbass." But, as always, everything happened too fast for me to get into trouble.

You know, i've been called names my whole life, and i'm tired of it. But what irks me more than anything about this situation is that the guy was black.

Okay, maybe this isn't fair. But to me it seems silly that a member of one group that's been shown intolerance for several generations would show intolerance toward a member of another group that's been shown intolerance for several generations--even if the intolerance we've seen is far less atrocious than what they've seen. There's just something that sticks in my craw about being called names by a guy who's probably been called a few names himself.

What is this, some kind of perverted sense of vigilante justice? For the record, i couldn't care less about the color of a person's skin. It makes me sad that after all these years and the assassination of one Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr., people still have problems with skin color. Wake up, people. We all bleed the same.

I know that queer folk who face discrimination and prejudice and intolerance and outright hate aren't experiencing a fraction of what African Americans in this country have experienced. But intolerance is intolerance, and i think both groups have faced it to a vocal (and sometimes violent) enough degree that we'd be willing to set our differences aside. If one's going to preach tolerance for one's own group, it's a bit disingenuous to wash one's own lack of tolerance aside, isn't it?

Or, to put it more bluntly: it's no longer okay to hate someone for the color of his skin (a trait he couldn't choose), but it's perfectly fine to hate someone for the people that she loves (a trait she couldn't choose)? And, what's more, it's not okay to hate someone for the color of his skin, but it's perfectly okay for him to hate freely?

Sorry, i don't buy that.

Bottom line is this: If you want tolerance for your own folks, you have to show it to others. Otherwise, you're perpetuating a tradition of hypocrisy and hate--and where does that get anyone?