Manifesto (for plus-sized women)

This entry was originally posted on 31 December 2003 at 12:17 p.m.

I'm a plus sized woman. I have been for my entire adult life. There's really no way around it: with my frame, if i were in perfect shape and rid of any unwanted pounds (hey, you try taking an SSRI for five years without gaining at least thirty pounds), i'd probably still be a size 18.

This doesn't bother me. I've always been stocky. Yeah, i could lose some weight, but much of what i carry around is muscle (fieldwork does that to a person). In school, i was always stronger than all of my female classmates--and most of my male ones. Back when i lifted weights, i was leg-pressing over 400 pounds. And that was in high school.

I've also always been something of a tomboy. It just turned out that way. At age three, i wanted to be a boxer; at four i was pretending to be the Incredible Hulk; at ten i was playing with G.I. Joe figurines. Never liked Barbie. Never cared for baby dolls. Always wore jeans and tee-shirts (even on this job), and anytime i've needed to dress up, it's almost always been in a suit. (You will hear rumors of a prom dress. Ignore those rumors.)

So that's me in a nutshell: typical soft butch (though i don't play softball; i prefer the martial arts). This is who i am, take it or leave it. This is what i look like.

Unfortunately, this leaves me with very few clothing options.

Walk into JC Penny's or Sears or Boscov's or Kohl's (since Old Navy doesn't make anything in a 22) and look at the clothing in the women's section. Not the petites or the juniors or the misses, but the women's section, the plus sizes. Take a good, close look at the kinds of clothes you see there. Then go back to the regular sizes and look.

Notice the difference?

Clothing in the women's section is almost always dressy. It's feminine. Classy, pretty, nice clothes. Sure, you'll find some jeans (usually Lee or Arizona), but you never find cargo pants, tee-shirts, or casual button-down shirts. Everything is frilly--the entire section is like an explosion of femininity. But the thing is, you don't see this in the regular sections. Sure, the other sections have dressy clothes, but they also carry casual stuff that isn't disgustingly feminine.

What are they trying to say about us, ladies?

I figure there's one of two things going on. One possibility is that the designers of plus-sized women's clothes think that because we're not tiny little petite things, we fear we aren't feminine enough. In their minds, they're doing us a favor by creating clothes that bring out our inner Stepfordness. Personally, i find this possibility laughable. We know damn well who we are. If we're feminine, we don't need our clothes to proclaim it to the world in a pathetic attempt to make us seem dantier than we are. Femininity is revealed first and foremost in disposition and manners--regardless of whether our clothes reflect this.

The other possibility is that the designers of plus-sized women's clothes fear us. In their eyes, our size makes us less feminine. We don't fit the standards of human sexual dimorphism (and it does exist), so perhaps we don't fit the standards of femininity either. This is frightening, a challenge to long-held traditions of the sexual order of our species--and they sense this. They sense the threat we pose that is implicit in our size to their sex-based social dominance. In response, they design our clothes with a sense of desperation, a sense of hope that by enveloping us in feminine trappings, they divest us of the intimidation--and power--that comes with our size.

This possibility is equally laughable, but i have to stop and think about it: should i be taking advantage of my Amazonian build to threaten the structure of the patriarchy? Should i make my size--small as it is among plus sizes--a political issue?

I won't answer these questions, though i will say this: i am who i am. I will find the clothes that suit me in comfort, style, and functionality. And i will not compromise my taste for my size, regardless of what the social order of this country thinks of me.